California has officially created a government gayness test. If you want a slice of $633 million in utility contracts set aside for LGBT-owned businesses, you'd better be ready to prove — to the state's satisfaction — that you are, in fact, gay enough. Welcome to the Golden State, where your bedroom activity is now a procurement qualification.
I genuinely cannot believe I just typed that sentence. But here we are.
The California Public Utilities Commission runs a Supplier Diversity Program that pressures the state's largest utilities to award 1.5 percent of their total procurement to LGBT-certified businesses. When you consider that California utilities spent $43 billion on contractors in 2024, that 1.5 percent target works out to roughly $633 million. Not pocket change — even by Sacramento standards.
But here's where it gets truly unhinged. To get your hands on those contracts, you have to go through the state's Supplier Clearinghouse and complete a 13-item certification checklist proving your sexual orientation. Options include providing proof of a same-sex marriage or domestic partnership, showing evidence of "family building efforts" with a same-sex partner (yes, IVF and surrogacy records), submitting media references identifying you as LGBT, or rounding up three personal reference letters — written on company letterhead — from people willing to vouch for your homosexuality.
You can also submit a letter from a recognized "LGBT organization" attesting to your sexual preferences. Or, and I swear I'm not making this up, you can present human resources complaints or police records showing you were discriminated against for being gay. Nothing says "celebrating diversity" like weaponizing your discrimination paperwork for a construction bid.
And if you're a straight business owner who thinks you might game the system? Think again. Assembly Bill 1678, signed by then-Governor Jerry Brown in September 2014, makes it a crime to falsely represent your business as LGBT-owned. The penalty? Up to one year in county jail. So in California, you can shoplift with impunity, but lying about who you sleep with to win a government contract gets you thrown in the clink.
Babylon Bee editor-in-chief Kyle Mann put it perfectly: "If my @TheBabylonBee writers had pitched this as a joke, I would have rejected it." He's right. Satire can't keep up anymore.
The program has its roots in 1986 when Governor George Deukmejian signed AB 3678, which required utilities to procure from minority- and women-owned businesses. Perfectly reasonable. But then Governor Brown expanded it to LGBT-owned firms in 2014 with AB 1678, and Governor Gavin Newsom piled on in 2019 with SB 255, which "encouraged" even more energy sector companies to hand contracts to gay-owned businesses. The goals ramped up from 0.5 percent of procurement in 2022, to 1 percent in 2023, to the current 1.5 percent starting in 2024.
As of now, 451 LGBT-certified firms are eligible for those sweet contract preferences. Among them, according to City Journal: a sign-language interpreter, a kombucha maker, and a coaching firm. Because nothing screams "essential utility infrastructure" like artisanal fermented tea.
CPUC communications director Terrie Prosper defended the whole circus, saying the "Supplier Diversity Program has existed for almost 40 years with the fundamental goal of advancing competition" and that it encourages utilities to purchase "at least 23 percent of total procurement from diverse suppliers." Right — because we all know the best way to advance competition is to let sexual orientation determine who gets the contract instead of, say, competence.
The good news? The DOJ has noticed. U.S. Assistant Attorney General for Civil Rights Harmeet Dhillon told the Washington Times she's opened an inquiry into the program. Her assessment was refreshingly blunt: "I don't know how who somebody sleeps with is relevant to their provision of utilities-related support services." She added, "It's nonsense, it needs to stop, and it's illegal."
Dhillon also pointed to California's own Proposition 209, passed in 1996, which banned preferential treatment based on race, sex, or ethnicity in government contracting. Voters even rejected an attempt to repeal it — Proposition 16 — in 2020. In other words, California's voters have already said they don't want this kind of nonsense. The CPUC just decided it doesn't care.
One LGBT-certified business owner, early internet pioneer Mary Ann Horton — who transitioned and now runs a company called Red Ace — was at least honest about the arrangement, telling City Journal: "If I was a straight, white male, I might be concerned I don't have the same opportunity. It worked out great for me."
At least someone admits the game is rigged. We're just supposed to clap because it's rigged in the "right" direction.
This is what happens when the diversity-industrial complex reaches its logical endpoint. It's no longer enough to not discriminate. It's no longer enough to have equal opportunity. Now you need a government-certified stamp on your sexuality to compete for public dollars. And if you're the wrong kind of person — straight, in this case — well, tough luck. Maybe try submitting three letters from friends swearing you're really, really supportive of pride parades.
California: where the lights may not stay on, but at least the contractor who failed to fix the power grid checked the right box on the gayness form.
